(moved from previous blog)
The only thing more awkward than your yearly exam at the gynecologist… is fainting at your yearly exam at the gynecologist.
Yes, this happened to me today.
The end of the exam includes blood work. I have never been a huge fan of needles and blood after a particularly traumatic experience at the Ballard blood drive. Why I would agree to participate in any medical procedure on Ballard’s campus is beyond me. Lesson learned.
As the nurse stuck my arm with the needle, I said, “I’m not very good at this.” Fair warning on my part. Half-way through drawing my blood, she said, “you’re doing just fine!” Lies.
A few seconds later, things got a little weird. I started to feel week and queasy, like I do sometimes when I overdo my gym-rat routine, but worse. She asked if I was feeling alright. I said probably not. I started to break out into a serious cold sweat and began swaying and mumbling. I tried to tell her that my vision was getting spotty, when all of a sudden, everything went black. I completely lost my sight and everything sounded very far away. I’m not really sure what happened during those few long seconds, but I can only imagine how dumb and sweaty I must have looked as I rolled around in the chair, blurting out incoherent and probably made-up words. Someone elevated my legs, and my hearing came back just in time to overhear the nurses discus how strange my eyes looked. Awesome.
After fanning me until I no longer looked like a lunatic, two nurses carried me to a small dark room and helped me into a huge recliner. They gave me a Coke and told me to sip on it until my color came back. I was mortified. Even worse, they left the door ajar so that every patient, doctor and nurse who walked by had a clear view of a strange girl in workout clothes sitting in a Lazy Boy, sipping a Coke and crying to herself.
A few minutes later, one of the nurses came back in and asked me if I was here for my prenatal exam. Confused and somewhat offended, I readjusted the band of my yoga pants to better hide what had just been mistaken as a bun in the oven. As I made a mental note to immediately begin sewing a pair of Spanks into each pair of my yoga pants, I noticed the machine next to me. I was in the ultra-sound room, which explained the comfy, roomy chair and, thankfully, the prenatal comment.
While I’m making light of the situation now, I was not in great spirits after this all went down. In fact, I sobbed hysterically in the doctor’s office parking lot for a solid 10 minutes afterward. To make matters worse, I was driving a Priius, which is basically the equivalent of driving a bay window. Everyone in the parking lot enjoyed my breakdown.
I came home, snuggled up on the couch and watched an episode Battlestar Galactica. Yes, I have a few nerdy indulgences. The only DVDs I contributed to our roommate collection in college were Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings and Star Wars. And yes, the full sets of each.
So, in sum, today’s been an odd day. But I did get out of mowing the lawn.