It’s Not a Bunion

For the last few weeks, I’ve been telling everyone I know (and some I don’t) about my bunion. Friends, coworkers, potential sexual partners…I even listed it on my 2019 accomplishments.

“Bunion” has to be one of the most disgusting words in the english language, so I was doing my part to normalize it. To raise awareness on behalf of my bunion brethren.

“I am bunion. Hear me roar.”

Etc., etc.

But I recently got some news that turned my world on its head. And now, I feel compelled to issue a correction. To call everyone I’ve come in contact with and let them know I’ve gotten some news:

It’s not a bunion.

It is Hallux limitus.

My right big toe has been “traumatized” beyond the point of repair. So it no longer moves.

The irony is that I do everything to protect my feet. After nearly losing my right index toe (an unrelated toe trauma) back in 1999, I never go barefoot. I do NOT get pedicures. I buy new running shoes regularly and I flat out refuse to sleep with anyone whose feet may brush mine in the night.

Delicate Feet

Delicate feet in marine environments.

I take my foot protection very seriously. And yet, here I am, doomed to walk on a stale baguette for all eternity.

Am I in pain? Yes.

Will I need surgery? It’s likely.

Will I ever stop talking about this? Absolutely not.

Thank you for listening.

Good night, and God bless.

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