Warning: This post contains spoilers for “The Spirit of Christmas.”
A few nights ago, I treated myself and my cats to a sappy Christmas movie. “This will be fun,” I thought, as I snuggled into the couch with my wine and blue corn chips. I landed on The Spirit of Christmas, a TV movie undoubtedly born of a focus group for single 20-something females.
From Netflix: “As Christmas approaches, attorney Kate Jordan travels to Vermont to oversee the sale of an inn, where she falls for a handsome but cursed ghost.”
I of course had some immediate questions, but — damn, you Netflix! — the research was solid. Ghosts, old-timey inns, Christmas, how could I resist?!
So, I watched it. But within minutes, I began to lose my shit.
To be clear, I have many, many issues with this film and Kate and Daniel (the ghost)’s relationship. However, these are the few I wrote down:
1 He’s a fucking ghost.
2 Not only is he a fucking ghost, he’s a fucking ghost with baggage. He’s dead, he’s cursed, he regularly haunts an inn, he’s pining over his ex-girlfriend who ended up marrying his brother. Hard pass.
3 He’s a dated ghost. He died 90+ years ago, so odds are, he’s sexist, more than a little racist and definitely not vaccinated. How the f is this girl going to introduce him to her friends and family? If you thought your MAGA Uncle was bad at Thanksgiving, can you imagine bringing around a wealthy white dude from 1901?
4 He’s a dick! He has 12 days with this girl, and he spends the first 3-4 days berating her. At what point do they fall in love? At what point does she think, “Man, I know this dude is dead, and also kind of a dick, but I think this could work.”
5 Syphilis. He definitely has it.
6 They barely know each other, and yet he forgoes eternal life in heaven with his former lady-love to live – and die again! – with a chick he’s known for 12 days. Twelve days! That’s still the infatuation period! What if, two months in, the hormones wear off and they realize they’re completely incompatible? How is he going to jump back into the dating pool? How is he going to explain himself to another potential mate?
New girl: “How are you still single?”
Daniel: “Well, I died. But then I came back to life for this girl because we thought we could make it work. Turns out, we’re just too different. Plus, she’s registered to vote.”
7 Does he age? Or will he stay the same forever, watching Kate slowly deteriorate beyond the point of Hollywood likability?
8 Is he sterile? Are they going to have kids? I hope not, because, again, HE’S. NOT. VACCINATED.
9 Wait, did she just pass out from kissing him? Never in my life have I passed out/fallen asleep while kissing someone. During sex, sure, but while making out standing up? Impossible.
10 This is a more general issue with the film, but how come we never see sappy romances about young, single dudes who “work too hard” to settle down and find love? Why is it always women who are confronted about their work ethic? Idk, maybe we work hard so we can avoid SLEEPING WITH DEAD PEOPLE.