Dentist Drama

(moved from previous blog)

Today I went to the dentist. I’m one of those rare people who actually loves going to the dentist. To me, it’s a treat to lounge in a chair and make someone else deal with cleaning my teeth. It’s actually not so different from a pedicure. I also like going to the dentist because I love the women at my office; they’ve all known me for years and are incredibly friendly. That being said, I make it a priority to impress them at every dental appointment.

Yesterday, I began preparing for my teeth for their date with destiny. Electric toothbrush fully charged, I polished my teeth to a Hilary Duff-post-veneers shine. I flossed after breakfast to make sure there were no surprises lurking in my gums. I rehearsed the acceptance speech I had prepared for when my dentist would proclaim my mouth the best one she’d seen so far today.

At promptly 12:50 this afternoon, I strolled into the office, flashing the impressive smile I usually reserve for the open-house round of DZ recruitment. My dentist led me back into the chair. I sat down, fully prepared to blow her out of the water with my immaculate grill.

The first thing she said after peering into my mouth was, “did you have braces?” I was completely taken aback; she was clearly hinting at something. This felt strangely familiar to when my mom looks me up and down and says, “did you…wash your hair today?” When I told her that I’d had braces, she said that I probably just didn’t wear my retainer and that I should go back to the orthodontist. “Your teeth are shifting. He will most likely suggest a second round of braces.”

After fighting back tears, I regained my composure and was able to carry on conversation throughout the rest of my checkup. When it came time for her to floss, she nailed me with another “question”: “Do you floss everyday?” I didn’t want to admit that this morning I had flossed especially for her, so I said, “yes, but not everyday.” I threw in a sheepish smile to win her back over with my charm.

My teeth were rapidly failing this exam. I needed to come up with a way to redeem myself. At last, I seized my golden opportunity when she asked, “How’s that bonded tooth holding up?” (I came in earlier this summer to fix a tooth I chipped on graduation night). “It’s WONDERFUL!” I exclaimed, perhaps a little too enthusiastically.

I left the dentist feeling slightly depressed, but overall pleased with my up-to-date dental hygiene. Unfortunately, it now seems as if I need to find a job more than ever, as I will be dropping my first paycheck on a full set of Invisalign.

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